Maktub

What do we when we accidentally cut our finger while chopping vegetables? What happens after someone suffers a major illness? or when we lose a loved one to a deadly virus in a matter of a few days? We heal! The level of suffering and pain is different, but one thing constant is; healing, especially after a setback that might make us question the very existence of humankind.  Let’s talk about the healing process, stages of healing mentally, overcoming loss and five steps that help you heal.

Twenty years ago, a teenager just out of school lost her mother due to illness. They were four siblings not very close to their father. The teenager was timid, weak and introverted; nothing made sense; the sky had fallen, and time stopped. 

Today that teenager is sharing his story and asking others to take their own time to heal. He knows that things change if you keep doing the right things and not succumb to what others say or feel. You have to do your best and stay persistent and let hope guide you towards the light.

Yes, it’s my story. Today when we all remember those days, there’s no sadness, only a feeling of nostalgia and proud accomplishment that we managed to jump through all hurdles. The rough time taught so many things, which we may not have learned otherwise. I can say that it made me more empathetic and human. Enough of self-praise; let’s talk about the healing process and five steps that can help you heal.

Grieve – It’s the First Step of Healing

In her book – “Death and Dying,” Elisabeth Kubler Ross explains five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These five stages may not necessarily happen in any particular order. Hence it’s completely okay if you feel helpless even after you have accepted the loss and started getting on with life.

Mourning leads you to accept the loss and gradually move ahead. Take your own time. Every person’s grief is different; we say that we can feel your pain or loss; however, we can’t. Give yourself as much time as you need. If someone you know has suffered a loss, let them grieve; be there for them if they need any help. Talk to people; we may curse smartphones and digitalization; however, it has proved its worth during the past year. You can video call across the world and chat with your friends and family instantly.

Rekindle the Lost Human Touch

We may deny it, but we all have indeed lost genuine compassion towards ourselves and others. Things that your loss has taught you the hard way is wisdom; share it and help others; eventually, you will help yourself. Whenever you start judging others, pause, think again. You never know what kind of pain they are dealing with. Not just physical and mental health – the economic crisis, job losses, and whatnot. We don’t know what it’s like on the other side.

I read an incident on social media where someone from the US was talking to the customer service representative, who happened to be from India and suffered personal loss. After realizing the situation, the caller asked the rep to take their time, keep the call on hold and take a break, so no other call came up on queue. The customer also asked if the rep wanted to share the grief and forget about the issue for which they called. That’s humanity, everything else can wait, but we need to regain this human compassion.

Stay Connected to Your Support System

It’s okay if you don’t feel like talking to others; however, try to stay in touch with your support system; it can be your parents, siblings, relative, friend or anyone who is currently with you in this difficult time. If you are alone, knock on a neighbor’s door, post it on social media, and someone will turn up – You need to ask for help. 

It is okay to feel vulnerable and weak and seek help from others. Let go of any societal stereotype or false ego. Every single human being is dependent on each other. If you happen to be on the other end, and someone you know is trying to heal. Go ahead and call them; we often don’t know what to say to the other person. However, if only we can call and check upon them. There is no need to use too many words; just listen, that’s all!

Meditate, Practice Mindfulness – Do What Sparks the Joy in You

We need to see the bigger picture. There’s a saying; everything happens for a reason – It is true if only we allow ourselves to look within. Spend time doing whatever makes you happy. It can be sitting on a couch all day and listening to music, practicing mindfulness through meditation, any religious prayer, binge-watching on Netflix, cleaning your wardrobe, working out, and so on.  Only you know what works best for you. Do it more often.

Always remember time is the biggest healer, you have to give yourself some more time, and the life situation will eventually change. Try to be kinder, especially to yourself.

Be Kind and Gentle to Yourself

Each one of us has one superpower, and that’s called hope. So, stop blaming yourself. One of the highly-rated movies of all time – The Shawshank Redemption, talks about the power of hope, A story of a man jailed for a crime he didn’t commit; how he fights against all odds and redeems himself. Do watch it if you haven’t. There’s a famous dialogue from this movie that has stayed with me even after a decade of watching it. “Remember, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

For those who aren’t into movies and prefer reading. Do check “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. The book is a gem, filled with life lessons. You would end up finishing over a weekend. Talk about binge reading.

Whenever you feel broken, pick up the pieces and start moving. Remember, there’s always a choice, no matter how bad the life situation may be.

Why Was There No Blog Post in the Past Two Months?

Despite being cautious and following Covid norms, the virus caught us in April. Just like millions of others, the first thought that crossed our minds, how it happened? However, during recovering, we realized that we must have dropped our guard and taken the pandemic lightly, and that was enough.

Even today, I see people ignoring the basic norm of wearing a mask, and to be honest, that is beyond stupidity in fact, criminal. One humble request, DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN; the cost is unimaginable – No money, Social Status, Fame, or Power can afford this kind of loss. When a family member, a relative, or a friend you just talked to or met is no more, in a couple of days. No words are enough to explain that helpless feeling, the excruciating mental pain.  I sincerely hope that we all have learned our lessons for good.

Take your own good time to heal; sharing your grief helps. Tell your story so it can help others. Please comment or drop me a message on any of my social media profiles if you need to chat and share your grief or anything that might help others. Take Absolute Care of yourself and the people around you.