mindfulness

Social Anxiety: A Bit More Than Shyness

Many don’t realize the difference between shyness and social anxiety disorder. In a recent interview, comedian Kapil Sharma talked about his experience with this mental health disorder. It’s hard to imagine that one of the most popular tv personalities could not face people. He also became an alcoholic during that phase. No point in guessing; his personal and professional life took a significant hit. Luckily he is a celebrity and may have faced lesser social stigma while dealing with his mental health condition. 

We have come far, and people are much more aware of mental well-being. Yet, it will take some time before our society starts looking at mental health issues with the same lens as physical ailments. Ironically, the word “mental” is referred to as “pagal” in Hindi, which means crazy or insane. It says a lot about the stigma attached to mental health conditions.

I was scrolling through a Reel/Short Video, which was funny but very relevant. In this video, a girl talks to her father about how she is facing mental health issues and the anxieties she is experiencing. The father replies calmly it’s not a big deal, and he has also been through the same, and one only needs to give it some time. “Wait,” he says to his daughter. The girl gets hopeful and asks, till when? And father casually replies, don’t know. It’s been 15 years, and he is waiting. It’s amusing yet an eye-opener.

The biggest problem with social phobia is that we can easily confuse it with shyness. While the symptoms might be similar, the level of intensity and impact is entirely different.

How to Check if You Have Social Anxiety: The Symptoms

Some key signs include:

• You fear being judged in a social gathering.
• You can’t interact with strangers; you hardly speak in social situations.
• You can’t control your worry and even think others might notice your anxiety.
• The panic is visible in your physical appearance; you avoid eye contact with others, may feel dizzy, and are so tense that your mind goes completely blank.
• The other physical symptoms include a rigid body stance, increased heart rate, blushing, sweating, and nausea.

These are the symptoms I looked up on health and wellness websites and are not limited; one may have many more or different symptoms. The panic situation due to social anxiety is much more than being shy; it limits your ability to live freely and hampers daily activities.

We All Have Our Anxious Moments

Reading about social phobia and its signs is another eye-opener; I could relate to many symptoms and realized I had them as a kid and a teenager. Although, I gradually eased out thanks to my family, friends, colleagues and, most importantly, life experiences. 

I hardly uttered a word unless pushed by a teacher during my school days. I never asked any questions or raised my hands to volunteer for any activity. I remember being super nervous around my birthdays because I would be asked to come on stage during assembly while the entire school sang “happy birthday to you” on that typical note. The only thing I had to do was, say “Thank you” on the mic. 

I did everything to avoid any and every type of social gathering. I still do the same, but the reasons are different now. Also, usually, I’m the icebreaker when meeting with strangers.

Unlike Human Stupidity, Social Anxiety Is Treatable

Wise men have said that there is no cure for human stupidity. Still, thankfully science and psychology have found effective ways to deal with different types of anxieties.’ Healthcare professionals might use various therapies to treat social anxiety, like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), etc. These therapies basically help you deal with your negative thinking and gradually improve how you face a social situation. Activities like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, physical exercises and frequent exposure to social situations are also helpful.

Many online tests/questionnaires are available to check if you have a phobia of socializing. However, they can be misleading and further increase your anxiety. Hence, it is best to get help from an expert. If you face similar signs and cannot figure out the reason for more than a couple of months, don’t wait for 15 years; seek help from a medical practitioner.

What Causes Social Anxiety Disorder?

There may be many reasons, like our genes and family history (certain hormones may be at play, which is beyond our control). Any trauma or bad experiences can also trigger social phobia. However, the most important reason which can be fixed is “bad parenting.” Everyone talks about becoming a parent in our society, but only a few learn about parenting. 

Parents often try to force their insecurities and dreams on kids and become over-controlling. They don’t let their kids express themselves freely. If there are any counter questions, they often shut them off instead of responding. Kids are super impressionable if they witness their elders arguing or having a fight at a tender age; it’s bound to take a toll on their minds.

Just like we use parenting controls on Mobile, Computers and TV, we also need to apply that filter in real life. While we proudly say we have parental locks on the content kids consume, we forget what they consume in real life. Kids should not witness any violence, be it verbal or physical. Behave just like you want your kids to when they grow up. 

In contrast, few parents end up neglecting their kids in the name of freedom, and that’s also harmful. Parenting is about finding the delicate balance between over-controlling and not caring at all.

“We live in a world where people look perfectly healthy from the outside and carry many burdens within. Hence, it will help if we stay kind and empathize with fellow beings”

– Gaurav Sinha

Final Words!

Social anxiety or any phobia can impact the quality of our lives. We must educate ourselves about various mental conditions to know when to seek help. Try to normalize talking about mental health issues instead of vilifying them. We live in a world where people look perfectly healthy from the outside and carry many burdens within. Hence, it will help if we stay kind and empathize with fellow beings.